Getting in my own way

I've been wanting to post to the blog, but having a problem. I'm having one of those crisis-of-confidence times that I suppose many writers do. Every time I sit down to write something for an audience, I think: Why would anyone care what I have to say about that? Why does what I want to say about that matter? I'm pretty much nobody; why would I think I should say something in public?

That negative voice is also talking about my other writing--specifically, two essays I'm trying to write about being at the Sun Dance ceremony. I keep becoming discouraged and thinking: what's the point? I'm just some white girl who's done this a couple times; I'm no expert. I don't know nothin'.

But today, as I was journaling (thank goodness that's still working), I had a small moment of reprieve. I remembered: it's not about me or who I am or how deficient I might be; it's about the subject. There are plenty of other people who are more knowledgeable, more experienced, more clever than I, sure. But this experience means a lot to me, and there's something about it that wants to be expressed, wants to be shared. It's too important to keep to myself. I need to get it out there for its own sake, not mine.

(this is a sculpture on the Mall in D.C.--a silver tree... beautiful!)

And as for the blog posting? It's more mundane, a bit smaller. But I can share it with my friends and family and they will hear my voice and I will connect with them in that way, and that's worth it. And if all else fails, at least my sister Keet will like it. :)

So stay tuned for what I think will be a post about how I slept in a tipi. (Spoiler alert: I loved it! Despite the howling thunderstorm on the 2nd night that meant all my stuff got soggy...)


May you enjoy a moment of reprieve today,
Karen