Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Getting in my own way

I've been wanting to post to the blog, but having a problem. I'm having one of those crisis-of-confidence times that I suppose many writers do. Every time I sit down to write something for an audience, I think: Why would anyone care what I have to say about that? Why does what I want to say about that matter? I'm pretty much nobody; why would I think I should say something in public?

That negative voice is also talking about my other writing--specifically, two essays I'm trying to write about being at the Sun Dance ceremony. I keep becoming discouraged and thinking: what's the point? I'm just some white girl who's done this a couple times; I'm no expert. I don't know nothin'.

But today, as I was journaling (thank goodness that's still working), I had a small moment of reprieve. I remembered: it's not about me or who I am or how deficient I might be; it's about the subject. There are plenty of other people who are more knowledgeable, more experienced, more clever than I, sure. But this experience means a lot to me, and there's something about it that wants to be expressed, wants to be shared. It's too important to keep to myself. I need to get it out there for its own sake, not mine.

(this is a sculpture on the Mall in D.C.--a silver tree... beautiful!)

And as for the blog posting? It's more mundane, a bit smaller. But I can share it with my friends and family and they will hear my voice and I will connect with them in that way, and that's worth it. And if all else fails, at least my sister Keet will like it. :)

So stay tuned for what I think will be a post about how I slept in a tipi. (Spoiler alert: I loved it! Despite the howling thunderstorm on the 2nd night that meant all my stuff got soggy...)

May you enjoy a moment of reprieve today,


  1. I definitely hear you. I think that writing things down for the sake of processing them (at least, I process through writing or figuring out what I'm going to write) and explaining experiences from your own perspective has a lot of value. It's so easy to get insecure about it - you're putting pieces of you out there.

    But the nice thing about blogs is that nobody has to read them. The people who choose to are interested in what you have to say and how you say it.

  2. Yep, I will like it.
    I'm glad you recognize you're getting in your own way. You're also getting in the way of entertaining ME and really, it is ALL ABOUT ME.